In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
