I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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