theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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