I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
