Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
