he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
