There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
