i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
