I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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