my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
