The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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