I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am full of burrito and curiosity
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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