My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
