If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
