turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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