Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize