Are we in a gay sports bar?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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