I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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