In America we eat man semen.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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