Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Buhtt sex?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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