He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
