Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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