so that wasnt chicken after all
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
