remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
