its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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