Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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