tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
