I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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