I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize