i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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