Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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