Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
