went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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