Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize