And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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