Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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