So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
