i think my tv is drunk
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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