So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
