I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
