omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
