i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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