Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
