Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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