We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize