i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
