While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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