she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
