You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
