Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
