I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
