This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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