Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
