Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
