she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
