check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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