Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She bit a glass in half.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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