we have officially lost it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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