so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
