It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
