youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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