isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
