boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
