Three words: puerto rican gang bang
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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