Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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