You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the day after is always just damage control
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
