Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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