Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
