Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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