I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize