I like to think it a success when the cops are called
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
