some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
