I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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