You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Drunk is a universal language darling
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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