fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
