you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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