My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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