Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
