yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
