Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
