i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i now understand why vodka
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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